Paradigm shift - human touch

Today I stepped into a fully crowded subway and realized that one of the corner in the waggon looked empty so I took full speed ahead to get a seat.

I did. And as I turned around and sat down I realize why the corner was almost empty and that people actually moved from there.

A man, some over drunked was sitting in the corner, drinking and somewhat singing mumbling on a swedish old classic movie song...

He looked at me straight in the eyes with question marks... will she also leave or, sooner ... how soon will she leave as all the others, i saw his questions without asking.

Normally I would have left running, and today, not in the mood for some hard talking to a very drunk person, I considered for some seconds, as I still have a hard time meeting drug addict people close since i have experienced a bank robbery and still remember the face of the burgler.. so... I did not.

This time I decided to stay seated. For 10 seconds I just decided to do something really different and I stayed. I looked at him and smiled a bit.

He looked back and all of a sudden, he stopped singing and asked me about my name.
I told him, and he told me his name, and pointed clearly that his last name should be spelled with two K:s, a finnish last name. Proud really. He also told me he was a garbisch truck driver. Ok, nice to meet you I said and start playing with my mobile to get some music.

Then he all of a sudden start talking to me again and told me that he had just left his mother in hospital and she was very much dying, she had had a stroke and was now lying just to wait for death.

he kept on talking and apologized for being so sad and drunk. He asked me what to do?
--Well... just keep on being sorry I told him, that is what you are at the moment and what you probably need to accept and just continue being without any hard judgement to what it mean to you by drinking and crying.

He somewhat jelled at me ( not to loud) that he was ashamed of being sorry and it was not allowed to cry for a man and he apologized himself again.

--I cry for my mother and I am 46 he said, that is a shame, and I should not.

He cried heavily and his tears made his face striped and wet.

I have never ever been as quiet and calm as in this moment. I just looked at him, gave him an understanding smile ( not to big) and just nodded, yes , it is ok to be sad. No worry. Cry as much as you like, I told him in silence. And I think he heard me.

He kept on crying and just looked at me. All the people around me as well. Silent pure crying.

Empathi and very much sympathi for this unknown proud very grieving man just made me very calm and happy in a strange way.

I did my very best coaching ever , today. Just by listening.

As we stepped out of the train he asked for my name for the 7th time, and as I went back in to the coming train to go forward, he just screamed behind me with a happy voice and smile....

--Thank you, i want to marry you, you are the most beautiful woman i have ever met... please come back and listen to me, you just made my moment as I felt some attention he screamed out. The doors closed and he waved heavily as the train went going.

Today beauty really ment something different, at least to me.... and it came from the inside and compassion to another person.


I realized how nice it was just to keep quiet and keep my mouth shut.

And the stranger just gave me the best coaching without even knowing it.

It is ok to be sad, I have to accept that as well.